Miami Beach

Plan A

When we arrived, we had a plan: Park, order burgers at Big Pink (a place we liked from earlier visits, go down and get set up on beach, return to Big Pink (me) pick up order, eat on beach. That was the plan. This was the reality: We spent a half hour futilely looking for a parking space. It was a beautiful day, it was Spring Break, it was Saturday, and every resident of Miami was either at the beach or, like us, cruising hopelessly for parking.

It was time for Plan B...

Plan B

So we went to plan B:

• Check into the hotel
• Use the hotel's parking
• Walk back to The Big Pink
• resume plan A

That was plan B.

Reality B: The hotel had lost our reservation. Luckily I had printed the confirmation, but it was going to take them time to sort it out.

It was time for Plan C.

Plan C

So, never at a loss, we went to plan C: Park in The Big Pink parking lot and eat, and punt regarding beach plans when we were done. Reality C: The Big Pink doesn't have a parking lot. What I thought was, wasn't. And my car got towed.

Before I continue with this sad saga, let me tell you about lunch: Judi had the most wonderful meatloaf (it's their "secret recipe") wrapped in strips of applewood smoked bacon so tender you could easily cut it with a fork. And mashed potatoes that were absolutely terrific. I had a sesame crusted yellowfin tuna, cooked rare, and the flavors were perfect. (Don't use the tartar sauce, thought -- it's great, but it has horseradish and overwhelms the flavor of the fish.) And of course we split an order of their great cheese fries. Even the ice tea was exceptional.

But I can't leave off about Big Pink until I tell you about the garlic bread. Judi asked for some bread with her salad. The waiter suggested garlic bread. Fine.

He delivered a round loaf spread with a garlic sauce. Judi took a bite.

Judi: You have to try this! It's great.

(Picture me taking a bite, then screwing up my face, hunching over, making rapid chopping motions with my hands and rapid stomps with my feet.)

Me: It's got enough garlic to kill a horse!

Judi (smiling brightly): Yeah! Isn't it great!

Me: My eyes are watering.

Judi: Yeah! Isn't it great?

Me: Yeah, it is great!

The garlic bread at Big Pink is great. Just not for the faint of heart.

Anyway, it was time for plan D.

Plan D

Back to ransoming the car: Plan D was to check Judi into the hotel and take a cab to the towing company, but Judi the good-little-soul-that-she-is offered to walk with me.

So we walked, fifteen blocks north and thirteen west, including a journey down the Lincoln Road pedestrian mall and stops in three shops, bringing us to the slums of Miami Beach :). It took us an hour. The walk was actually very nice. I noticed something as we walked north: At the south end of Collins, the people are Beautiful -- slender, tanned, young; the women curvy and the men hard; the clothes low-cut and high-cut. But the further north you walk, the more the people become, well... Normal.

And then, a short $185 later, my car was free. I can't say anything bad about the towing company -- Beach Towing of Miami Beach. I was polite to them and they were polite to me. I'm not going to comment on this link to a claim, by the March for Justice, that Beach Towing employees were responsible for a heinous and racially motivated beating incident: The MARCH FOR JUSTICE, a national human and civil rights organization is responding to a Hate Crime perpetrated by Beach Towing in Miami Beach.

It took an hour to walk there, but thanks to the magical combination of internal combustion and rubber rounded into wheels, we made it back in less then ten minutes.